School? what is this mess?

The most significant difference about this year opposed to last year, is the mindset. i guess waiting until senior year to care about academics probably was not the way to go, but thus shall be the task ahead of me. maybe the thought of soccer not carrying me through college as far as money goes, which may or may not have happened anyway, might have been the first indicator that i would have to find money from some other source. a talk with the rentals last night didnt help the feelings of discouragement that i have started to feel, but my outlook continues to be strong whatever the case. i havent decided to let myself be brought down by my thoughts and expectations, and i hope that continues to suffice.

it has definitely been an interesting school year so far. i didnt like the first few days for the sole reason that i was uninterested in reassociating with individuals i was worried about taking me out of my comfort zone of fulfillment through my close christian friends and church acquaintances. public schools offer a new look at the way christians handle themselves in the "real world" as they attempt to spread the gospel to those who dont know God. it is discouraging, in a way, but awesome also to see the way God works through individuals and the lights He turns on in some of the darkest of circumstances.

i will refrain from going more into the differences in public school circles from private school circles, due to the frustration that mounts when i step back to see how little I am doing to help out the situations i am complaining about. i dont know how many times i have started this post and havent gotten around to finishing it, or things have changed and my ideas no longer apply. soccer is going well, save for the incident at practice where a couple of the guys had the nerve to "posess with the intent to sell" in front of me. i was so disturbed and frustrated by the whole thing. i have had thoughts about making it an issue with the whole team, but pride, i guess and opportunity get in the way. although, the second one probably falls under the first one in some ways too. our first game is THURSDAY!!! i am very excited. we have Hayden, at hayden @4. it shouldnt be too much of a game. hopefully we will be prepared, and are willing to work hard this week, maybe some non-rainy weather too... school will start going so much faster, even though alot of times i dont want it to...

Option A presented a good opportunity to let my pride down and really reach out to people. I had a great conversation with Jacqueline about it, and felt 1) terrible about myself, then 2) encouraged that i would still have chances and opportunities, even if I didnt take advantage of this one, to love people where they are at. friday night went very well. there were probably about 2100-2200 people at TPAC for the Superchick concert, which apart from being extremely loud was phenomenal. Along with Superchick Dirk Been was the keynote speaker for the entire event and he talked about abstinence, and he really had some good things to say. the audience was a very mixed bag. there were a lot of Christians there, and many non-christians. i guess when things are free that draws a lot of attention. but, people were pretty good about getting the word out as well. saturday morning the event reconvened (sp?) at TBC with a smaller crowd, but aspiring to learn none-the-less. i won 2 movie tickets in a raffle, which was/IS awesome, but breakout sessions were the highlight of the morning. we had some good speakers in the guys group, and some good questions were posed and addressed. Dirk did a really good job again, and i learned quite a bit. some things may pop up at some point in the future.

I got to talk to Thomas last night!! the first time since he left! ok, so its exciting for me! no, but i hope all the collegians are doing well in their new surroundings, and for some, not so new surroundings (elena) but are doing well, and meeting people none-the-less. (i dont know that i have ever used that phrase more then once in a conversation before..) oh well. i would ask for prayer that my attitude toward people at school would improve and that my goal would be to be the Christ in their lives. as pastor described today we should "live as though it were Christ living for us". that was a little bit modified, i am sure, but the quote was good, and the concept even better.

there is a baptism tonight, which should be a good time. im praying all is well in all. have a great week. i will attempt to do the same.