School? what is this mess?

The most significant difference about this year opposed to last year, is the mindset. i guess waiting until senior year to care about academics probably was not the way to go, but thus shall be the task ahead of me. maybe the thought of soccer not carrying me through college as far as money goes, which may or may not have happened anyway, might have been the first indicator that i would have to find money from some other source. a talk with the rentals last night didnt help the feelings of discouragement that i have started to feel, but my outlook continues to be strong whatever the case. i havent decided to let myself be brought down by my thoughts and expectations, and i hope that continues to suffice.

it has definitely been an interesting school year so far. i didnt like the first few days for the sole reason that i was uninterested in reassociating with individuals i was worried about taking me out of my comfort zone of fulfillment through my close christian friends and church acquaintances. public schools offer a new look at the way christians handle themselves in the "real world" as they attempt to spread the gospel to those who dont know God. it is discouraging, in a way, but awesome also to see the way God works through individuals and the lights He turns on in some of the darkest of circumstances.

i will refrain from going more into the differences in public school circles from private school circles, due to the frustration that mounts when i step back to see how little I am doing to help out the situations i am complaining about. i dont know how many times i have started this post and havent gotten around to finishing it, or things have changed and my ideas no longer apply. soccer is going well, save for the incident at practice where a couple of the guys had the nerve to "posess with the intent to sell" in front of me. i was so disturbed and frustrated by the whole thing. i have had thoughts about making it an issue with the whole team, but pride, i guess and opportunity get in the way. although, the second one probably falls under the first one in some ways too. our first game is THURSDAY!!! i am very excited. we have Hayden, at hayden @4. it shouldnt be too much of a game. hopefully we will be prepared, and are willing to work hard this week, maybe some non-rainy weather too... school will start going so much faster, even though alot of times i dont want it to...

Option A presented a good opportunity to let my pride down and really reach out to people. I had a great conversation with Jacqueline about it, and felt 1) terrible about myself, then 2) encouraged that i would still have chances and opportunities, even if I didnt take advantage of this one, to love people where they are at. friday night went very well. there were probably about 2100-2200 people at TPAC for the Superchick concert, which apart from being extremely loud was phenomenal. Along with Superchick Dirk Been was the keynote speaker for the entire event and he talked about abstinence, and he really had some good things to say. the audience was a very mixed bag. there were a lot of Christians there, and many non-christians. i guess when things are free that draws a lot of attention. but, people were pretty good about getting the word out as well. saturday morning the event reconvened (sp?) at TBC with a smaller crowd, but aspiring to learn none-the-less. i won 2 movie tickets in a raffle, which was/IS awesome, but breakout sessions were the highlight of the morning. we had some good speakers in the guys group, and some good questions were posed and addressed. Dirk did a really good job again, and i learned quite a bit. some things may pop up at some point in the future.

I got to talk to Thomas last night!! the first time since he left! ok, so its exciting for me! no, but i hope all the collegians are doing well in their new surroundings, and for some, not so new surroundings (elena) but are doing well, and meeting people none-the-less. (i dont know that i have ever used that phrase more then once in a conversation before..) oh well. i would ask for prayer that my attitude toward people at school would improve and that my goal would be to be the Christ in their lives. as pastor described today we should "live as though it were Christ living for us". that was a little bit modified, i am sure, but the quote was good, and the concept even better.

there is a baptism tonight, which should be a good time. im praying all is well in all. have a great week. i will attempt to do the same.

Mexico, 18, and the afterlife..

so, as far as i am concerned, being unneccessarily delayed in getting a post up since our return from mexico, everything has been said that needs to be said. i thoroughly enjoyed my first out of country experience. i was stretched in ways i didnt know were issues. God challenged my willingness to adjust to my surroundings and authorities. it seems everyone thinks i failed at one of those, but i will leave it up to God to decide. Mexico, if you have not been there, will give you back, what you put into it, 2 fold. it will help you appreciate what you have, and give you a better understanding of what it is like to be completely dependent on God in an every-day perspective. And, you get to meet some awesome people, and maybe get to know some awesome kids.

i was unsure, going into the trip, what it was i was going to get out of it. as some know, i am not a person who usually gets caught up in expectations, and the like. but, satan decided that would be his way of bringing me down early on in the trip. i had these fantastical ideas of what would go on, and how things would/should be, and after day 2 of being in mexico, i was feeling very unfulfilled. i even made it verbally known that i wished things would be harder. what a selfish attitude i know, but that was seriously the point i was at. that same night, mark decided to make me feel like an idiot, (no, not that time, but good guess!) and speak on the very topic of expectations. i was very convicted, and made a conscious effort to change my attitude from that point on. good thing too, because that night, we were rained on for a good 12 hours. it was brutal, especially when you are forced to sleep in a slightly covered outdoor sanctuary... with sloping floors... and little wind coverage. that was interesting. i would be pretty confident that 90% of the guys were forced to move from their initial sleeping positions at some point in the night. we didnt have to work the next day, which was nice because of the lack of sleep that many had gotten. the work was not excessively difficult, and we were fortunate to have leaders who were willing to work hard, and encourage us to do the same.

being able to play soccer with the locals was my way of getting close to them. i, even after 2 years of spanish, was unable to carry a conversation with any of the non-english speakers. soccer was my way to communicate in a very real way. without soccer, i dont know where my attitude would have been as far as really feeling like i could make a difference. the competition was fierce as well. i never would have expected the older less in shape guys to be so sure of foot and skill. and the young talent was abounding. maybe its my ill-percption, but being 17 and on a u-20 prep team in a country where soccer is a huge deal is very impressive. Chuy, Armando, Julio, Freddy, .. the list goes on.. as my memory fades! i was very appreciative for their patience. USA and MX both left the "battlefield" wit 2-2-1 records, which would normally be unsatisfying were it not for the circumstances.

Anyone going to see the Rangers play at home in Arlington is encouraged to go to the Rawlings restaraunt in the first base line press box. order small too. then get a peanut butter thing!!!!!! i didnt think i had room for it.. but i made room!! the stadium is beautiful too. the game was great as well. Carl Crawford could have easily had 3 straight triples which i am sure would have been a record. i cant wait to get my pictures back. i guess that requires taking them in...?

student ministry sunday was the 7, which happened to be my birthday as well. the "Big One" or so i am told. i turned 18. yay!.. this fact will doubtfully change anything. it was a very good day though. i was made to feel very special, which can never be a bad thing. i thank everyone who was a part of it, whether you knew it or not. i pray for many more to come.

this week 7-14 (and some change) has been pretty phenomenol. i couldnt have asked for anything more. birthday, softball victory, Body Builders/ LOTR, Chiefs game/ beginning of football season/Cinderella Man (highly encourage that one, and only $1.50), a wedding of an old friend and some really great food, one of the best days of my life. what more could you ask for? i mean seriously. the surprise was pretty sweet too, both of them i guess! T and i did pretty well.

Tryouts for soccer start today. although i am not worried about a spot, my performance still matters a lot. i would love to play exclusively up top (forward) but i have not given coach a whole lot of confidence through my finishing touch in the last few months. we will see how it goes. soccer starting means that school starts... soon! so depressing. i dont want this summer to end. this has been completely amazing. there will never be another one like it, which will have its advantages and disadvantages. i guess im scared. but with everything that is happening and wit everyone i have around, be that only by phone, i am sure it will be okay.

my thanks to everyone that has been a part of my summer, and to everyone who is leaving and already left, i will miss you guys and hope to see all very soon. may God continue to bless and keep you. Good "night".