I cant believe..

I cant believe.. (maybe i will think of more things this time!)
~that we only have 3 weeks of school left.
~I am going to be a senior. but before that i will be 18!
~how much time track takes up; how fast Jared Huske is!
~I am going to have to deal with all the stress that i have experienced this year, without some of my best friends. at least they will be (at least) 60 miles away and not able to help me in person.
~Running a campaign cant be be a dissatisfying time. you see where you are with your student body, and then, win or lose, you feel like your life and integrity have been micromanaged (two words?) and you are unable to know what people took from that rigorous check.
Further thoughts.
When you are down, you are down, until you can give up on yourself and give Him who has true understanding of you.
Being placed under labels that you dont feel apply to you hurts.

So some people left yesterday for class trips from CP, and today was Senior skip day (Hope you all have a great time!). go figure that those two events would fall under simulatenous schedules. irony, i swear. So i guess that i am going to have to retake the ACT. i was very disappointed and disturbed by my poor score. i am not very willing to tell my score, i just thought i would put that out there. i will say though that it was good enough to go to any state school. that isnt saying much but i didnt want to leave you completely hanging.

i have tried for a long time to figure out how to get that link on my blog to work and i have failed every time. someone with experience will have to spell it out to me. it is a great story, and has good value but i cant get it to work.

"You will fall, and if, by the time you hit the ground, you have solved the problem, you werent dropped hard enough." oh, man, how bad that one feels.

"When i no longer want to give to life any more, then life should not give to me any more."
So true.

Pursue these last weeks with fervor as though in a race, because it is a race, and those who run the hardest and the fastest will come out ahead of the others. Sadly, I am falling in line with the back of the pack right now.

Summer, the bliss that is.. not school

In a recent email i began with the following statement:
"Ah, the end of the year draws ever nearer.
the heciticness draws even larger shadows under the
eyes that for a moment, scream against the betrayal of
sanity, and beg for a time of less stress and also an
afternoon of peace, quiet, lemonade, and a good chiq
flick, err.. a really good guy movie."

So, that is pretty much how i am dealing with life pre- May 19. wow! less then a month! how awesome is that? let me answer that one for myself. that is FREAKIN AWESOME. i had the best summer ever last year and this one is on tap to be even better. i have explained all that that will entail, but i cant stress my excitement enough.

It was soo hot at track today. so what do we decide to do? it just so happens that there is not a bus to take underclassmen over to Hummer for track today, so we have to have our practice at High. ... IN THE GYM! so there isnt 2000 people in there for a basketball game, but there isnt a brisk night just beyond the Western St. doors when the heat becomes too much either. there is no escape. just like when you are being chased in your dreams. did you ever notice that? you are being chased, and you go to the best hiding spots, but it is impossible to stay hidden. what kind of dream would that be if the bad guys couldnt find you? would you just lay still, and have an amazingly deep sleep? .. ne way, so that requires you to subconsiously invite the "bad guys" to find you continuing to run and be pursued. (how did i get here..?) ah yes, we ran in the gym, and outside on the concrete and in the grass and in the bleachers. having had shin splints for the last 3 weeks, i was less then pleased with the protocol for the day, and am paying the price tonight. not my idea of a good time, let me tell you.

NHS inductions are less then necessary. we sit, and sit, and listen, and then we are introduced to recieve our certificates. if you are me, you are more then capable of making things less stressful on others by making a fool of yourself while trying to follow directions as to the order of events that you didnt pay any attention to. let me know, and i will tell you the story. no biggie though.

prom in 2 weeks and 4 days! good thing things are starting to fall into place. i look forward to the night, but the apprehension is really starting to build. ah well..

"Give em a break." a statement used by the KS Department of Transportation, but also very capable of being applied to some drama that is going on now. it just isnt worth the time and effort that is being put into it. i encourage those involved to look to put it behind them. you will need all of these real friends that you have before it is over.

Have a good week/weekend!

Apparently..

So, as it seems:
I dont really follow my titles very well in relation to what i really blog about.
I really dont like running that much, i just.. do things i dont want to do sometimes.
My ability to blow spit bubbles has really taken off, thanks mostly in part to Thomas, and other CP people who get bored on occasion.
I had a lot more of these things to write and can't think of ne of them right now! go figure.

So track continues to take up about.. oh, all my time! it is kind of frustrating. i guess i am getting better? i dont know if i really had much choice. if anyone was curious, 300 meters + hurdles is really long, and really hard. Huske makes me want to never run. except we arent allowed to compare our races or times against his. it just isnt fair. its hard to want to continue. maybe after our next meet i will make city honor roll. according to the paper today, i am just outside the listings in both of my events. i guess that is exciting. it really is, i just dont know how much yet. one thing about track is that it helps me better appreciate having a REAL sport that i love and am successful, and getting better at. and, seeing that soccer is the most hardcore sport of them all, it must be easy to understand where i am coming from!

So i decided that i would run for all-school president. not a huge surprise to anyone near the subject, i have been planning for over a year to do it. the running mate, and how i am going about it may be rather surprising though. the person i was going to run with decided he didnt want to do it. so, i asked someone else and they werent interested, so as it is, i am running with my sister. this is not a bad thing. it should simplify things as far as campaigning and getting ready, and post victory (Lord willing) and into next year, being able to talk about things and discuss events and things at home will be nice. i am not guaranteeing anything, so i hope nobody gets the wrong idea. support through comments and prayers are very much appreciated and welcomed by all.

i havent been to service in 3 weeks! soccer and pasta bar have prevented me from hearing Big Jim preach from the box. i look forward to getting back to a regular schedule this weekend. maybe some plans for friday and saturday would be nice. thomas, it looks like i might be coming to the play, if only for you. so i guess that might be my saturday... hmm.. i want to do something really fun though!

so busy though. i HAVE to make it through the next few weeks, and i will be able to coast through the rest of the year.

Enjoy down time, as it may come, and cherish the opportunity to just be silent and watch. have a great week.

As you can see..

A response to the last post i wrote.. YESTERDAY! when was the last time i blogged 2 days in a row? never. but, this one, sadly, wont be as long. i am hoping to get into the habit of blogging twice as often so as to save you half the reading per entry. good plan huh? i thought so too. there were only a few things that i had to input before the ns got too old.

This weekend during one of two workdays that we had in preparation and then in service at the pasta bar that we had to raise money for our mission's trip this summer. i dont know how well we did with selling ourselves, but we did a dang good job of eating stuff that was left after we were done serving! at least i did. i almost ate to the point of being unable to walk. those are fun times! like thanksgiving all over again! aww... i miss thanksgiving. it's my favorite holiday im pretty sure. alot of good quality family time. ne way. short note of thanks to dana for helping out our cause on saturday. she is on vacation, and she takes the time to help us get ready for something she wont even be here for.. now that is cool! much thanks.

Ocean's 12 comes out.. today!! i havent seen it yet. i realize what i have been missing out on, and i want to fix it i really do, ne one interested in helping me get that one cleared up? it would be much appreciated.

Jayne.. I dont know what to say. I am pretty sure that the only ones that will outlast your currently running record will have to delete their blogs to beat your no bog record! and even some of them.. only kidding. i know i will hear about that one before you leave for colorado, which will be tons of fun even though there are no cool people going. except ben.. hopefully i will get the job. i need something with some steady money. mm.. money! lol, totally kidding.

Another busy weekend ahead with track.. dont get me started on track, then soccer in Liberty again. i love soccer! have a good day.

I'm such a failure

Hopefully the title was enough to get your attention. if not, maybe just the fact that i blogged for the first time in 10 days will do the trick. there have been a few new things that have occured since i last blogged. to open this blog i would like to note that i am excited about life. i dont remember the last time i really felt this way. As i go to that heinous place, and do that hated things they call public education, i am stricken with the feelings of guilt and deperity that are so sadly prevalent in the school and community i live in. That recognition coupled with the hope that i feel every day in knowing that i have been truly blessed, blows me away. The truth that there are soo many people that i come in contact with that i should readily share my faith with and dont is frustrating, as it should be, but as i continue to grow i know it wont get any easier, it will just become more and more difficult to overcome the obstacles that people are faced with. Thank God that He is the one that has to deal with that, and that I am just to work FOR him. that is point #1. Life isnt even about me. It is a weird feeling to grasp. The life i am living at this moment is to be selfless and lived only to the pursuit of.. pleasing... God. (not happiness, or myself, respecitvely)

As the mission's trip draws nearer, i cant help but have doubts. excuses are like candy, (apologies to Jayne and Kelsie for my analogies) they are so easy to pick up, and get in the habit of taking advantage of, and then you are at a loss when they are no longer available. correlation to doubts? both are of satan. God wouldnt want you to doubt your testimony, becuase it is, as He is. and doubts only make us more easily tuned in to the idea that we are in control, when we are not. i was struck dumb, no comment required (but comments are nice :) ) by something that was said at Rubbish a few weeks ago. our leader was talking about an inspection that took place at his work, and being one of the supervisors he was responsible for not only making sure that his things were in order, but also those of the people under him. he was a small minority when it came to his approach to the inevitable stress that came with this inspection. he was asked how he thought things were going to go, and his response was simple. "it will go however it is supposed to go." how divine. the idea is that things will go as they are planned to go. you wont do better then you are suposed to do just because you work really hard. God is in control of all of that. it was an amazing revelation especially considering that i had the ACT last Saturday. i studied a little bit, but it was the comfort i took going into it that made the difference in how i looked at it.

Ok, maybe i will get off of my soap box for a few paragraphs or so. there are only like 30 days of school left in this school year! i am rather excited about this. this summer is set to be amazing. we have summer sizzle (name pending), and i will be working morning and afternoons throughout the summer, then we have my brother's wedding, and mission's trip, and summer blast, then my BIRTHDAY!! so busy, and a few mowing jobs in between. BUSY! but exciting none-the-less.

Not very excited about the seniors who will be heading off to college. i have really made some meaningful relationships this last year. Nathan, Thomas, Craig, other CP people, Jayne, Maddie, .. and there are others but im at a loss right now. i am willing to edit my list if you leave me a comment though. but those 5 that i just named specifically have made huge impacts on my life over the last 365 days (roughly) and there have defnitely been memories made. i realize this blog is a little premature, i mean, they still have to graduate first. it would probably be a good idea to NOT fail calc jayne. it wouldnt look very good.

This last week i: had a track meet, 4 soccer games, two days of service to my church, a few late night talks, a walk through the woods (i totally saw deer, it was awesome) a birthday party, a day off of school, and 5 times of watching The Incredible. (that was probably the coolest animated movies ever) there are other things that happened but, i would have to restate my last sentence of 2 paragraphs.

well, i look forward to these last few weeks of April, as hectic as they will be, then i have prom! very excited for that as well. i realize this is really long, and that many people probably won even read it just for that fact. that is the main problem with not updating more often. maybe i will learn from this experience. have a good week.

Ewww... BLOOD!!!

Ok, so the title is a little bit deceiving. I am actually not afraid of blood. But, all of those claims were finally put to a test that fateful day.. (today) Earlier this week i signed up to donate blood. i knew i wouldnt have to run at the track meet today, which was a relief, so i figured no problem. i am not really nervous about these kinds of things as far as pain goes, and i dont mind my own blood ne way, i actually find it kinda cool. so i stay calm throughout the day and am totally ready to give blood at my designated hour of 1:35 in the afternoon. i left lunch and checked into my 7th hour, then elise and i headed to the ROTC room for some quality blood donating. when i get there i become somewhat apprehensive when i see that there is a questionairre to fill out. it asks about medication and and heart & lung problems. i am taking medicine for my back and have had asthma since kindergarten. so i was preparing myself to be rejected, something i have mixed reactions towards. i was reassured, however, that what i was doing was completely acceptable. now for the more humorous part of my story. after the simple run through done by the initial nurse, and the blood sugar test which i had a hard time believing that my finget would bleed that much, i was moved to a larger, more comfortable chair for the real procedure. i say procedure like i was going under the knife and that they were going to put me out or something. neither of which happened, except that they almost didnt need ne medicine to put me out.

As the nurse prepared me, she put the blood pressure band around my "massive" bicep and gave me a rubber ball, instructing me to squeeze hard 3 times and not to look as she inserted the needle. i did so, and as felt the prick, i hear her say "oh, oops!" that was prolly the most disconcerting comment she could have made. "oh, my fault, i forgot to put you to sleep before we cut open your heart"; or, "oh, gee, i sure missed the tendon and caught the bone on that one!" so at this point i knew it would not be good. i looked down, and much to my relief i saw that my vein had only squirted blood all over my shirt. it was pretty cool. it looked kinda tye-dye. not that i am a big tie-dye person, but let's look at the glass being half full for a moment. i was kinda amused actually, and the rest of the day, which was really only about 10 minutes in the hall after school i decided to put myself out there, and field shocked questions about what could possibly have happened to my shirt. i had a pretty good day, and i do say so myself.

Young Life was a lot of fun on Monday. i couldnt have told you before how much i had really missed it, but just seeing and spending time with some of the people i saw was priceless. you sometimes get that out of place feeling, but when you are wearing a safety green t-shirt, you pretty much ask for it. so i was in the boat by myself on that one. it was awesome tho. Tuesday we had our first track meet, which i really wasnt ready for. i did pretty well considering. i got a silver and a bronze and a 5th. i wasnt upset. the one i got 3rd in is my main event, and the one i plan to be working the most on the rest of the season, so now i can actually have a goal for practice. i didnt "get" to run today because i did the blood thing. I have another meet next friday, but i also have a soccer tournament tomorrow which i need to get sleep for, and hopefully i can get clear of all this drowsiness that i feel. who falls asleep at weddings? i didn... yeah i did. it was bad. i was totally out of it. I got to meet Dana officially tonight which was cool, and now i have a very full rest of the weekend. I have soccer saturday and sunday, Stugo basketball @6 at Topeka High tomorrow night which everyone still needs to come to. and maybe even a little soccer action on sunday afternoon. we will see if i get to that homework thing.

I saw the incredibles tonight while waiting for the phone to ring. lol, i wasnt really waiting for it. it would have been nice, but i am not naive, or super sensitive, and expectations arent stuff i like to get into. i really hope that i can see as many people as possible this weekend. we also have next friday off!! we shall see how that goes. soccer tourney. wish me luck. talk to everyone as soon as they call. have a good weekend.